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Archive for May, 2008

For a fun, quick makeover, walk through a preschool classroom oblivious to the fact that there are finger-paintings drying on a clothesline. Quickly brush past the paintings, making sure to get just enough wet paint (blue, if possible) in your hair to simulate funky streaks/highlights. Take care that the paint actually gets in your hair and not on your face — otherwise you’ll go from cool, mod punk-rocker mom to a bad impression of an Indian Warrior.

I’m just sayin’. Not that I’d know, personally. Ahem.

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Checking a suspect timing adjustor: $192

Replacing said timing adjustor: $1100

Replacing leaky seals on the cams: “free”

The phrase “Thank you sir, may I have another…?”: Priceless

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Book Meme

I shamelessly stole this from Radical Mama because I, too, am brain dead lately. Yet I feel the need to post.

The top 100 or so books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users. Bold the books you have read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick

Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre

The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex

Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead

Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere

A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter

Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye

On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

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Never before have I been moved to jot down quotes while on the road with my cow-orkers. I don’t know what about this trip was different — that cow orker C and I were celebrating our 10-trip anniversary, that there was a male cow-orker present, that I out-aged the youngest member of the team by 13 years, that we were in Nebraska and Missouri and what else is there to do there after work besides patronize the local watering holes, that we drove *between* Nebraska and Missouri and what else is there to do in the car for 3 hours besides be rude … so here they are in all their glory. And I duly note that the only ones from my mouth are the very few with no curses in it (as the boss I feel it is my duty to shut up and buy beer and offend people as little as possible.) And as an aside, I note that the night I flew home, my cow-orkers “sheltered in place” in C’s hotel room while a tornado ripped through Kansas City...

F-ing Congress, they can ask for anything.

This is how I learned to snow ski.
Do you KNOW how?
F-you, man.

With a name like Quaalude you expect something with a little punch.

F-you bitches, I’m wearing Lucky jeans

Mmmmmmm. Anne Bancroft.

Sorry, you seem to have lost your filter. Would you like it back?

What the hell was that?
That was my sympathy.
That was the coldest piece of sympathy I’ve ever received, you cold-hearted bitch!

I’ll try to restrain my inner asshole as much as possible.

Why do they call it Missour-uh and not Missour-eee?
Because they’re f-ing hicks.

Hey – your inner asshole has escaped.

Now THAT’S a tramp stamp.

“My inner asshole is coming out…”

“I’ve eaten nothing but desserts and beer for the past four days”

“This is kinda’ fun because I’ve never had sisters”

“Remind me to stop winking at the bartender”

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