A and I were at the fabric store yesterday picking up some fleece to make a birthday present for a friend of hers. One of the reasons I think A was initially drawn to Maggie is that, like A, Maggie is not a girly-girl. No pink, no flowers, no bows and ribbons, no Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana. A’s interests are simple and old fashioned and outdoorsy – animals, stuffed animals, skiing, swimming, hiking, camping, fishing (K, on the other hand, was clearly switched at birth. That child is all baby-dolls, dresses, and all hues of pink.)
“Maggie likes sports, Mom. And her favorite colors are orange, blue, and green.” So we look at fabric for Maggie’s blanket. I look at patterns I’d pick out for A; funky stripes in red, orange and brown; polka dots; animals; snow. We carefully consider the wall of fleece; A rubs her face on bolt after bolt of fuzzy softness, passing quickly over anything that has a speck of pink in it. At the end of the row she says “this one, mama, this one,” tugging at a bolt of royal blue fleece with basketballs, footballs and soccer balls on it. OK. Off we go to pick a coordinating solid fleece for the reverse side of the blanket. We find, we cut, we pay, we leave. Awesome.
Except for the little voice in my head that piped up, upon first being presented with the blue fleece with balls on it, “really, that one? that’s a boy’s pattern!”
WTF?? Where the hell did that little voice come from? We work hard to raise the girls without narrow-minded, limiting gender stereotypes. We teach them — and strongly believe — that they can be anything they want to be if they work hard and set their minds to it; that no doors are automatically closed to them for any reason. I believe so strongly in this it’s one of the reasons I left the Catholic church many years ago. We practice what we preach because it’s just the way we live. So why the little voice? Why was that the FIRST thing that came to mind? I’m saddened by that little voice. Yes, I carried the day in the end - my daughter has no idea that thought crossed my mind. Still – I’m pissed. When I was a little girl thoughts like that often translated into actions. I suppose it’s progress of some sort that I only thought it an didn’t act it or say it. But when will that kind of thinking become uncommon — even for people who supposedly “know better?”
ps: The blanket came out great, in case you were wondering. How cute is this?
I have those thoughts too. I usually do a double take when I notice it, but then I remember that we are living in a very gendered culture and it’s normal. And it is SEW CUTE!
By: nessa on February 1, 2009
at 9:49 pm
It looks very cute. My 2 older kids are SO gender-specific. My son refuses to use a pink plate, and my daughter doesn’t want to wear jeans. Argh.
At the same time, he is more sensitive than she is, and she’s very physically active. When we were young, you could either be a girly girl or an active tomboy. So far my daughter seems to be an active girly girl, so we’ll see…She may run around playgrounds in long velvet dresses, but she can climb and chase just as well as her brother. I think she would be great at soccer, if we can get her away from her current ballet obsession.
By: hhb on February 1, 2009
at 10:57 pm
My A-child is a mixture of gender stereotypes, too. She’d love that blanket, by the way. I don’t think you can beat yourself up about an automatic reaction. After all, we were taught to think that way in the same way we were taught to look before crossing a street or check an iron before touching it. Intellectually, of course, it’s not a safety issue and shouldn’t hold the same weight, but it’s just ingrained. And society/marketing still send us that message every day—-look at pink toolboxes and pink laptops to lure in grown women! It’s kind of insulting when you think about it. Good for you for resisting the urge to point it out. Our girls are going to grow up with much less awareness of this “rule” because we ignore it ourselves.
And by the way, did you know 80 years about pink was considered a boy color because it was “stronger” than light blue and thus too much for girls?
By: Silver Wendy on February 2, 2009
at 10:03 am
Wow, that blanket is gorgeous!
By: Kim on February 2, 2009
at 9:16 pm
I too have heard the little voice…and you know to what extent I try to avoid and type of gender stereotyping.
Along those lines, my heart broke on the day of Obama’s inauguration, when H and I were watching together and I told her “you know honey, you could be President too one day” and her reply, at not even age 5, was “No Mommy, I can’t, it’s all men”. I tried to explain that other countries had female presidents and prime ministers, and just because the U.S. had never had one didn’t mean she couldn’t be President one day…don’t know if that got through. I sure hope so.
By: Black Wendy on February 2, 2009
at 10:07 pm